Alternative Paths
by Ian K
Summary: A wormhole experiment sends Crichton into an alternative universe, and aboard an alternate Moya where some things are the same, but many things are NOT.


Alternative Paths  
  
By: Ian K.  
  
Rating: R   
  
Spoilers: Yes-For the series up to the present.  
  
Disclaimer: I did not create Farscape, the universe of Farscape, or its characters. I merely borrowed them for this story, for which I will receive no monetary compensation. No infringement of copyright intended.  
  
Time Frame: Near future.   
  
*  
"Aeryn, I have been working on this device for monens," said John Crichton. "I have to test it."  
  
"John, I just don't like this," replied Aeryn Sun. "How do you know that wormhole stabilizer will work? How do you know you won't come back as a liquified mass?"  
  
"Aeryn, we tested a biological sample in the lab," said John. "You were there, you saw. It WILL work. The conditions in orbit here are perfect for creating a wormhole. I have to try it."  
  
"Commander," interjected Pilot over the clamshell viewer. "About the conditions. Moya's sensors confirm optimum solar flare activity. However, there is an unusual amount of radiation not due to the solar flares."  
  
"Is it dangerous?" asked John.  
  
"No," said Pilot. "It is at minute levels. Still, it could be a factor."  
  
"Won't know 'til I try it," said John, heading for his module.  
  
"John," said Aeryn. "Why are you so frelling impatient to do this?"  
  
"Because," said John with a knowing glance. "I want my Dad to meet the woman I love." They exchanged a brief smile. John walked over to Aeryn, then kissed her on the lips. "Don't worry, Aeryn. I'm not leaving you behind. Not ever."  
  
A little while later, Crichton was flying his module in orbit around the planet. The solar flares were really kicking his ship around as he began his slingshot manuever. "Pilot," he said, "be sure to get plenty of scans. I don't want to miss anything."  
  
"I will endeavor to do so, Commander," said Pilot.  
  
The Farscape module streaked through the upper atmosphere of the planet, as the solar flares interacted with his ship. The combined energy release began to have its desired effect. Eventually, a wormhole did begin to open up near the position of Crichton's module.  
  
"WHOOHOO!" yelled Crichton. "Thar she blows! Pilot, I'm going in for a closer look. I want to see how stable this puppy is before I fly into it."  
  
There was no response from the comm. "Pilot," said John. "Aeryn, D'Argo. Anyone. Can anyone hear me?" He got no response. "This isn't good."  
  
At that moment, a bright burst of light emanated from the wormhole. The blast rippled through Crichton's module and sent him spinning out of control. His ship was plunging towards the wormhole. Crichton attempted to get control of the ship again, but lost consciousness due to the spinning and G forces.  
  
**  
The first thing Crichton rememberd when he opened his eyes was the feeling of being on his back. He was looking up a ceiling. John would have panicked if it were not for the fact that he realized the ceiling he was seeing was on Moya. He could just barely hear female voices, but they seemed so far away. They were commenting that John was waking up.  
  
He could not recognize the voices off hand, but he thought that one of them had to be Aeryn. John tried to speak several times, finally getting the word out on the third try. "Aeryn..."he said.  
  
"Rest easy now, John," said a woman's voice. "You've been unconscious for several arns."  
  
The voice wasn't Aeryn. John was sure of that. It sounded familiar, but he couldn't place it. Then, his vision began to clear as John came to more of a state of full consciousness. He looked over towards the voice that spoke to him. What he saw, the source of the voice, made John almost leap out of his bed.  
  
"ZHAAN!" he yelled. "What the...what the hell...."  
  
"Easy, John," said Zhaan. "Its alright. Calm down."  
  
"John," said another female voice from the other side of the bed. John looked over, and saw a site that this time almost made him faint with shock.  
  
"Gil...Gilina," said John. The woman was most definitely Gilina Renaes, the Peacekeeper technician who had fallen in love with him several cycles ago, and who had died saving him. She looked a little different-her hair was longer, and she was wearing a grey t-shirt and black pants.  
  
"Yes, dear," said Gilina, coming over and putting her hand on John's face. "I'm right here. Everything's alright."  
  
John sat bolt upright in bed. He reached for his pulse pistol on his hip, but found none. He looked around. The room looked like the medical bay on Moya, but that could be part of the trick.  
  
"Alright," said John. "Where is he? Where is that cadaverous son of a bitch?!" John looked around. "Come on, Scorpy. I'm not falling for it! Come out, come out, wherever you are!"  
  
"John," said Zhaan. "What's wrong? What's happening? Who's Scorpy?"  
  
"Come on, Scorpius," said John. "I'm not convinced. Show yourself, you pathetic coward!"  
  
"Did you say Scorpius?" asked Gilina. "How did you know about...him?"  
  
"Yeah, right, like I haven't been on the run from him for three cycles," said John.  
  
"Scorpius," said Gilina. "You are referring to the half-breed who heads the special research project? John, he doesn't even know you exist probably. How you know about him is beyond me. I don't even know much about him, and I was a tech with the Peacekeepers. That's how I heard about him. Where did you?"  
  
"What the hell is going on?" asked John. "If it isn't Scorpius....wait, Zhaan, Gilina...you both....is that it? Am I...dead?"  
  
"No!" yelled Gilina. "Argh, make sense! John, that wormhole...it was, it was of a very unusual configuration. When you went in it, I thought for sure we wouldn't get you back."  
  
"Went...into it," said John. "Look, where are the others? Aeryn, D'Argo, Chiana...."  
  
"Who?" asked Zhaan. "Who is Chiana?"  
  
"Okay," said John. "The weird meter just went up a bit more. You don't know Chiana. Yet...Gilina is here. How?"  
  
"Of course I'm here," said Gilina. "I'm your wife. Where else would I be?"  
  
"My....my wife," said John in a flabergasted manner. He got up off of the table, and looked long and hard at Gilina. He could see that she was slightly different than they way he remembered her. "Well," he thought, "if I'm dreaming, it's a logical dream. She looks like she might after a few years away from the Peacekeepers."  
  
"John," said Gilina, putting her hands on his arms. "You are acting like you don't remember...being married to me." She looked at Zhaan. "Zhaan, could he be suffering some kind of memory loss from the accident?"  
  
"Its possible," said Zhaan. "I don't know enough about wormholes to answer with any degree of certainty, but if he hit his head when the module went out of control...he could have some form of memory loss. If he does, there is no way to know if it is temporary or..."  
  
"Permanent," finished Gilina with a whispher. She exhaled. "Look, can I take him back to our quarters. He needs to rest."  
  
"Yes, that would be best," said Zhaan.  
  
"Wait," said John, "I mean....I have some...things to think about..."  
  
"Later," said Gilina, gently caressing John's cheek. "You're tired. You need rest. Come with me."  
  
***************************************  
Gilina led John to quarters that she identified as ones they share. John stepped into the room, trying to get a feel for anything familiar. He saw many of his things, but not others, things he had acquired since coming aboard Moya. For example, he didn't know where his pulse pistol, Wynona, was.  
  
"Gilina," said John, "what did you do with my pistol?"  
  
"I put it in the armory," said Gilina. "For the life of me, I don't remember you wearing that when you took the Farscape module out for the experiment. You don't carry a pulse pistol unless you have to."  
  
"I don't," said John, with a slight chuckle. "Um, look, Gilina, I think we need to talk."  
  
"Not now, John," said Gilina, pushing him down on the bed. "You need to lay down and rest."  
  
"No," said John. "No, Gilina, we really need to talk. Sit down."  
  
"Alright," said Gilina. She sat down on the bed beside him.  
  
"Gilina," said John, "you and Zhaan were talking about the fact that you think I have lost my memory. But, you don't understand...I...remember, but I remember things...differently."  
  
"John, what are you talking about?" asked Gilina.  
  
"Look," said John, "give me a general summary of things that have happened since we met, on the Zelbinion."  
  
"Well, if you think it will help," said Gilina. She took a deep breath. "You...asked me to stay with you when you found me on the Zelbinion. I agreed, and we became lovers. Eventually, we got married. John, we....we have a baby, a daughter. She is in the next room, sleeping in her crib."  
  
"A baby..." said John. "We...holy Mother." He got up and walked over to the room Gilina had indicated. He looked in and indeed saw a baby sleeping peacefully in her crib. "Our baby," he said. "I...I don't believe this."  
  
"Her name is Leslie," she said with a smile. "We named her after your mother. In the meantime, we have been on the run from Crais. His relentless pursuit has pressed us all over the Uncharted Territories."  
  
"Gilina," said John, "I'm going to be straight with you. I remember the past few cycles, but....I don't remember them the same way you do."  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Gilina.  
  
"You said that I was testing wormholes," said John. "Did I go in a wormhole?"  
  
"Yes," said Gilina. "You did, but came back out again after several microts. It scared the dren out of me, I can tell you that."  
  
"I think, something may have happened," said John. "This...this is not the life I remember. I think...I know, I am not supposed to be here. This is not...my Moya."  
  
"Of course it is," said Gilina. "You just have had an accident and loss of memory..."  
  
"NO!" said John forcefully. "I remember, and this is NOT what I remember. Look, I'll proove it to you. Assemble the crew in the mess hall. I want to talk to everyone."  
  
**  
Half an arn later, the crew was all together in the mess hall, waiting as John and Gilina (the latter now carrying their baby, Leslie) stepped into the room. John looked at this crew that was the Moya crew he knew, but different somehow. First, there was no Chiana or Stark or Jool. There was Aeryn, D'Argo, Zhaan, and Rygel. Pilot also joined them on the clamshell viewer.   
  
But even the members of Moya's crew who were present looked somehow different. Aeryn, for instance, was not dressed in her customary attire. Instead, she was wearing black trousers, a black sports braw like article of clothing John had seen her wear working out sometimes, and an unbuttoned black leather vest. Her hair was loose flowing, much to John's chagrin because it made him want to take her in his arms all the more. But, given the circumstances of this crew, he knew this Aeryn wouldn't understand the gesture, not like his Aeryn. He also didn't want to offend his apparent wife, Gilina.  
  
"We're all here, John," said D'Argo. "What is it? How are you feeling?"  
  
"Um, look, I need everyone to sit down," said John. "Please?"  
  
Everyone complied, sitting down around the table. John remained standing, biting his thumb while trying to find the words to say to them, to explain himself. Finally, he plunged forward. "This is going to sound strange," said John, "but....I do not belong on this Moya. I think...that, somehow, when I went into that wormhole, I went....I traveled from a parallel universe of some kind and ended up...here."  
  
"Crichton, don't be ridiculous," said Aeryn. "Make sense. Zhaan said you might have memory loss. Wouldn't that be a better explanation..."  
  
"No, Aeryn, it would not," said John. "Because I remember things...differently. I have a clear memory of the past few cycles on this ship, but my memories are different than yours. Because I think my life was different than the life of the John Crichton who does belong here. I lived a different life, on a different Moya."  
  
"Can you proove what you say, Crichton?" asked Rygel. "It all sounds a little fahrbot to me."  
  
"Okay," said John. "I can try. I can...I can tell you things that are from your past, maybe things you never told me about. I have to think of some things that might not have come up given the differences in events." He thought for several moments. "Wait," said John. "Did Moya have a baby?"  
  
"A baby?" asked Pilot over the clamshell in a surprised tone. "Absolutely not. Where..."  
  
"That's an answer, then," said John. "Moya never gave birth to Talyn in this universe."  
  
The name 'Talyn' made Aeryn bolt up from her chair. "What did you say?" she asked.  
  
A look of realization came over his face. "In my universe, Aeryn, Moya had a baby. You named the baby after your father, Talyn."  
  
"How do you know my Father's name?" asked Aeryn. "I never told you..."  
  
"The Aeryn I knew did," said John. "You told me how your Mother came to you when you were young one night. Her name was Xhalax Sun. She told you, when she also told you about you not being an accident or a genetic birthing, how they intended to have you."  
  
"This isn't possible," said Aeryn, sitting back down in her chair. "You couldn't have known that."  
  
"Moya got pregnant from a Peacekeeper experiment," said John, "one instigated cycles ago by Crais. But, a tech name Velorek put the kaibosh on it, but he was...."  
  
This made Aeryn jump up from her chair. She ran over and grabbed John by the collar. "Alright, what the FRELL is going on?! Where did you get that information about Velorek? Tell me now!"  
  
"Easy, Aeryn," said John. "Let me go."  
  
"Please, Aeryn," said Gilina.   
  
Aeryn backed away from John after releasing him from her grip. "I...believe," said Aeryn. "He couldn't have...known all of that."  
  
"All of what?" said D'Argo. "I still don't understand."  
  
"Just trust me," said Aeryn. "He is telling the truth."  
  
"D'Argo," said John, "I also know about Jothee."  
  
"Of course," said Zhaan. "We all know about Jothee. We freed him from the slavers a cycle ago."  
  
"Oh," said John. "Well, look, let me just tell you how I remember things."  
  
John gave them a brief summary of the highlights of his life on Moya as he remembered it. He left out Gilina's death, saying only that he never saw Gilina again after the incident on the Gammack Base. If need be, John figured he could approach the subject privately with Gilina later. John also omitted the fact that in his universe, he and Aeryn were lovers. When finished, the crew would only stare at him. They didn't know what to do, or even if they could trust THIS Crichton.  
  
"John," said Gilina, "Pilot did pick up some unusual readings from that wormhole. Its...configuration was slightly different than other wormholes we have studied."  
  
"We'll need to go over the variances," said John. "To see if they could have made the difference. The only thing I can figure was that the wormhole, since it is a time/space phenomena, might have opened up into a...parallel reality."  
  
"So, you think that the other John...might be on your Moya?" asked Zhaan.  
  
"I don't know," he replied, looking over at Gilina. "He...could be."  
  
A tear fell from Gilina's eye. The realization hit her that this John was not the same John who was her husband. He was still John, but not the same John she knew. She felt an overwhelming sense of confusion.  
  
"I..."she began, "I'm going to take the baby back to our...my...the quarters. Excuse me."  
  
Gilina stood up and walked out of the room. Zhaan got up to follow Gilina and make sure she was alright. The rest of the crew went their separate ways, leaving John to work with Pilot on studying the wormhole data.  
  
************************************  
"Pilot, are you sure about the data?" asked John, now standing in command speaking to Pilot through the clamshell viewer there. He and Pilot had been working for arns in analyzing the data from the wormhole experiment that seems to have started all of this.  
  
"The data is confirmed, Crichton," said Pilot. "The wormhole's composition was different than the specifications of most wormholes. It is logical to assume this has something to do with the variations in radiation we detected."  
  
"So, somehow, this wormhole opened up a doorway not just through space, but crossed universal barriers," hypothesized Crichton.  
  
"It sounds like a logical assumption," said Pilot. "Unfortunately, we won't know for sure for some time."  
  
"What do you mean?" asked John.  
  
"Solar flare activity has now dissipated," said Pilot. "The Rekalens, the species who lives on the nearby planet, said the flares will not return for another monen."  
  
"That's right," said John. "They said that in my reality, too. Damn, that means I'm going to have to stay in this reality for at least a monen. Even then, I don't know if I can get back."  
  
"Moya can return you to this place in a monen," said Pilot. "We can...try, to repeat the experiment."  
  
"Fine," said John. "Meanwhile, I go over the data with a fine tooth comb. I want to be prepared for the day we get back here. Tell me, Pilot, the other me...he was doing wormhole research, too. For how long?"  
  
"He and Gilina have been working on the problem since she came on board," said Pilot. "She aided in modifying your module with Moya's components. It is an odd coincidence that you were both experimenting with wormholes at the same place at the same time."  
  
"Yeah," replied Crichton. "Even though so much about our lives has been different, some things are so remarkably similar. Pilot, could the fact that we, both the other John and I, were both experimenting with wormholes at the same place at the same time have contributed to the opening in the universal barriers."  
  
"I'm not sure," replied Pilot. "There is little in Moya's data banks on theories related to alternate universes. It is...possible that this, along with the unusual radiation, contributed. However, I can't say for sure."  
  
"Just another thing on the list to look at," said Crichton.  
  
"Crichton," said D'Argo, coming into command. "I, um...have you had any luck figuring out what happened?"  
  
"Yeah," said John. "That wormhole shot me from my reality to this one. A parallel universe. Only thing is, conditions won't be right for another monen to make the wormhole again. Even then..."  
  
"You don't know if you can get back," said D'Argo. "Well, John, in the meantime, we...can't stay...here. We need supplies, and there is a commerce planet nearby. Plus, Crais' carrier is only a few sectors away last we heard."  
  
"We have to go," said John. "And I have to spend the next monen on a ship that is Moya, but not the Moya I know. Freaky. Very freaky."  
  
Crichton turned and left command, heading for his quarters to get some rest. When he got there, he saw Gilina sitting on the bed as if she were waiting for him. Her face showed signs of shed tears. John had almost forgotten they shared quarters.   
  
"John," said Gilina, standing up to face him. "I...put your things in...bags. I've fixed up quarters for you...down the hallway. I knew you wouldn't want to stay...with me. Since, you and I...aren't...."   
  
John walked over to her as she began to openly cry. He held her close, stroking her hair in a comforting gesture. "I'm...sorry, Gilina. Believe me. I'm going to do all I can to bring your John back to you and get myself home. But...I do have to stay here for a monen. The conditions won't be right until then to form another wormhole."  
  
"In the meantime," said Gilina, pulling away from John. "I don't know if MY John is alive or dead or lost in some other universe. Perfect. Just frelling perfect."  
  
"Gilina..." said John.  
  
"Um, look, John," said Gilina. "Your bags are over...there." She indicated a corner near the door. "Please, take them and go. I can't be around you, right now. I need to be alone, with Leslie."  
  
John nodded his head, and bent over to pick up his bags. He turned and left Gilina standing in the middle of the room, feeling absolutely unable to help her.  
  
**  
John lay in bed that night, trying to sleep but failing. He was having trouble dealing with everything, with being in this parallel reality he found himself in. It was still Moya, still many of the people he has come to call friend over the past few cycles. But, things were just so different. No Chiana, no Jool, no Scorpius (not that the last one wasn't a good thing). Zhaan and Gilina were alive. And, the one that hit him the hardest: he wasn't with Aeryn in this reality.  
  
He missed Aeryn terribly, wishing he could reach over and hold her as he tried to go to sleep. John wished she was there to talk to, to listen to him as he dealt with things. But, he wouldn't be able to see her for at least a monen...if ever.  
  
"Wait," thought John. "I wonder...if talking to Aeryn could help me....maybe I can talk to the Aeryn that is on board THIS Moya. I mean, we may not be together, but she is still Aeryn. She can't be THAT different. Or can she?"  
  
Thinking about this was giving him a headache. He had to know about Aeryn, to see if he could indeed talk with her. John already knew she was dressed slightly different. What else was different? He had to know how different this Aeryn was.   
  
John stood up and put his shirt on. He headed down the corridor to Aeryn's room (or at least, he assumed it was her room). It was her room on the other Moya.   
  
He got to Aeryn's door, and found it closed with the privacy curtains pulled down. John thought he could hear noises coming from inside. He figured Aeryn must be doing one of her workout routines.  
  
Hesitantly, John reached up his hand and knocked on the hatch. After a few moments, John heard Aeryn's voice. "Who the frell is it?" she asked with a hint of anger.  
  
"Aeryn, its John," replied Crichton. "Look, I'm sorry to bother you. I just need to...talk."  
  
The door opened, and Aeryn stood before him wearing a black robe. Her hair was tussled, and her expression was one of annoyance. "John, what could you possibly want to talk about at this arn?"  
  
"Aeryn, I just wanted to..." He stopped short in what he was going to say. John stood in shock at the sight before him.  
  
Coming up behind Aeryn from the interior of the room was D'Argo. He was half dressed, wearing only a pair of pants. The Luxan stood behind Aeryn, placing his hands on her shoulders. "What is it, John?" asked D'Argo.  
  
In that moment, it became brutally clear to John how different things were. "I, um...nothing," he stammered. "I...I'm sorry to...bother, interrupt...the two of you." He had to keep himself from bolting as he turned and walked away down the corridor.  
  
"I wonder what that was about?" asked Aeryn of D'Argo.  
  
"Don't know," replied D'Argo. "He is probably having trouble adjusting to things. Anyhow, we can find out in the morning. In the meantime..." D'Argo bent over and kissed Aeryn on the neck. She moaned with pleasure at the gesture. "Where were we?"  
  
Aeryn activated the mechanism to close the door as D'Argo pulled her back in the room.  
  
*******************************************  
The next morning, John was seated in the mess hall eating some food cubes. "Well," he thought, as he sat alone chewing on the small squares, "there is one thing that is the same in both universes. These things still have no taste."  
  
Gilina had been in here when John came in earlier. However, she only stayed long enough to say good morning before getting up to leave. She claimed to have to go and feed the baby, but John knew that she was leaving at least in part to get away from him.  
  
John felt an overwhelming sense of being alone, alone on the ship he would normally call home. But, he felt so disconnected from everyone. This feeling became crystal clear to him after seeing Aeryn and D'Argo last night.  
  
Aeryn came into the room as John ate. She exchanged a quick good morning with him before going to the storage unit to retrieve a tray of food cubes. John noticed that she was dressed in the same trousers, sports braw, and opened leather vest that she wore yesterday. Her changed attire should have tipped John off right away that this Aeryn was not like his. But he didn't come to that realization fully until last night.   
  
"Aeryn," said John, as she sat down at the table on the opposite end. "I'm...sorry, for disturbing you last night."  
  
"That's alright," she said. "You couldn't have known. It must be very disorienting for you. You still need to talk?"  
  
"No," said John quickly. "No, that's...alright. I was just having trouble sleeping." John's mind told him to leave the subject at that, but his heart pressed him to inquire into the exact relationship between her and D'Argo. "So," he began cautiously. "You and D'Argo are...lovers."  
  
Aeryn stopped eating, and sat still for a moment before replying. "Not 'lovers'," said Aeryn. "We...recreate together." She took a bite of the food cube she had waiting in her hand.  
  
"Oh, you're just...casual lov...I mean, you just have casual...relations."  
  
"We enjoy being with each other for pleasure," said Aeryn. Now she was curious about something. "Tell me. Would the Aeryn you know allow herself to have sex with a Luxan? Is that what startled you? Has the Aeryn you know maintained more of her Peacekeeper traits?"  
  
"No," said John, "she has...changed, a lot. She has long since abandoned Peacekeeper prejudices, for the most part. I've never seen her...show interest in a Luxan, but I know she is open minded about interspecies relations."  
  
"Oh," said Aeryn, taking another food cube into her mouth. "But I'm not with D'Argo, recreationally or otherwise, I gather."  
  
"Right," said John. "So, how did you two become...recreational?" asked John.  
  
"Well," said Aeryn, "we respect each other as warriors. We found a mutual attraction. And I was...curious."  
  
"Curious?" asked John.  
  
"Yes," she replied. "About him being...Luxan. I found I liked being with him...sexually."  
  
"But you don't love him?" asked John.  
  
"No," she was quick to answer. "No, nothing of that sort. We just recreate together. That's all. Now, if you don't mind, I need to do some work on my Prowler." She got up and disposed of her tray. "See you later," she added as she left.  
  
"Yeah," said John, watching Aeryn leave him alone in the room once again. But he wasn't alone long as Rygel came floating in on his throne sled.  
  
"Sparky," said John. "My man. I thought you already ate?"  
  
"Hmm," said Rygel, "that was just the first course. Three stomachs, you know."  
  
"Well, at least that is still a constant," said John with a chuckle. "Rygel is the same in every universe."  
  
"So," said Rygel, "I saw Aeryn leaving here a few moments ago. How did she take you interrupting her and D'Argo last night?"  
  
"How did you know about that?" asked John.  
  
"I was up getting food," said Rygel. "I saw you talking to them outside her quarters. You looked pretty surprised."  
  
"Yeah, well, things are different on my Moya," said John. "Aeryn isn't with D'Argo in my universe."  
  
"Oh, what about the others?" asked Rygel, in between jamming food cubes into his mouth.  
  
"Others," said John with a start. "What do you mean? There have been...other men, who Aeryn has been with?"  
  
"Well, one other I know of for sure," said Rygel in between bites. "When we visited the Sebacean Royal Colonies. One of the men down there. But it was only once."  
  
"One night stand, huh," commented Crichton. "You said...others, plural?"  
  
"Well," said Rygel, "there is a rumor that she had one other...liaison. Things I've heard in...accidentally hearing others' conversations."  
  
"You mean when you eavesdropped, spied on the others," said John with a smile.  
  
"I do not spy," said Rygel. "At any rate, I have heard things which lead me to believe that there was one other. Zhaan might know about that."  
  
"Right, thanks, Sparky," said Crichton. He got up from the table and went to see Zhaan.  
  
**  
"Really, John, I can't tell you any more than Rygel did," said Zhaan.  
  
"But, there was another person," said John. "Who?"  
  
"John, what..."began Zhaan, searching for words. "What Aeryn told me was in...confidence. I'm sorry, but I can't break that confidence."  
  
"Alright," said Crichton, abandoning that line of inquiry for now. "So, how long has she been with D'Argo...recreationally?"  
  
"Um, about half a cycle, I believe," said Zhaan, as she examined some of her herbs. "Tell me, John, why are you so curious about Aeryn's relationships with other men?"  
  
"Um, well, its...complicated," said Crichton. "It has to do with the Aeryn in my universe."  
  
"I see," said Zhaan. "Well, what is it? Perhaps I can help you if I understand your relationship with Aeryn in your universe."  
  
"Can you keep this in confidence, just like you did with what Aeryn told you?" asked Crichton.  
  
Zhaan nodded.  
  
"Alright," said Crichton. "In my universe, Aeryn and I are...lovers."  
  
"Lovers," said Zhaan with a strange expression on her face. "In...love, is that it?"  
  
"Yeah," said John with a smile. "We love each other. It wasn't easy, but...it was meant to be."  
  
"Well, I don't know about..."began Zhaan. "What about...Gilina?"  
  
"Zhaan, Gilina..."began John. He didn't want to continue, but felt he had to get it out. "Gilina is dead."  
  
"Dead!" said Zhaan with a start. "By the goddess, no wonder it looked like you had seen a ghost when you saw her." She was silent for a moment, contemplating before going further. "Wait. You had the same expression when you saw me. Am I also..."  
  
"Yeah," said Crichton. "I'm afraid so."  
  
Zhaan walked over to another table, facing away from John. Silence filled the room as she considered how to respond. Finally, she managed to say one word. "How?"  
  
"You died, saving all of us, including Moya," said John. "It's a long story. Anyhow, I didn't know if I should tell you. Now that I have, I still don't know who else I should tell..."  
  
"No one," said Zhaan with a firm expression, turning to face Crichton. "Tell no one. In the meantime, please be mindful of the differences in your other self's life here from yours. If you misspeak or act incorrectly, it could....complicate things here."  
  
"I'll try," said John.  
  
*****************************************  
Several days later, Crichton was going over the data collected by his module and Moya from the experiment that dropped him into this parallel universe. He had been avoiding the rest of the crew, following Zhaan's advice about not telling the others too much about themselves in his universe, and the damage that could cause.  
  
In particular, Crichton was trying to avoid both Aeryn and Gilina. He didn't know how to relate to them. In this universe, Gilina was his wife and the Mother of his child, while Aeryn was only a friend who was sexually involved with D'Argo. Things were indeed quite different here. This frequently made John contemplate how decisions people make every day can have such a massive effect on their lives.  
  
"Pilot," said Crichton in command, speaking to Moya's symbiot in the clamshell viewer. "Can you run that last part again?"  
  
"Yes," said Pilot. The data John had been viewing flashed across his holographic table display once again.   
  
"Pilot, what do you think about the variances in the wormhole density?" asked Crichton. "I mean, could that be effecting the wormhole's path."  
  
"I'm not sure," said Pilot. "Unfortunately, I was not the one who most aided the other Crichton with his research."  
  
"That would be me," said a voice from behind Crichton.  
  
John turned and saw Gilina standing in the doorway. She looked tired, like she hadn't slept in days. "I helped John with his wormhole research," said Gilina. "I can help you."  
  
"Look, Gilina," said John, slowly walking towards her. "I could REALLY use your help here, but if its too painful to be around me, I'll understand."  
  
"John...Crichton, um," said Gilina, "I've been thinking. If I can help you reopen another trans-dimensional wormhole, I can possibly aid in getting my John back. I'm doing no one, including him, any good by sitting in my quarters sobbing. So, I'm here to help."  
  
Crichton nodded his head. "Thank you," he said.   
  
They both turned their attention to the holographic display on the console. "Now," said Gilina, "show me that data on the wormhole density."  
  
**  
Crichton and Gilina worked on the wormhole problem for several days, getting very little sleep in the meantime. They did not talk to each other about anything but wormholes, being very careful not to react to each other with anything but the familiarity experienced between colleagues. Gilina did this to keep herself from getting confused between this John and her John, and Crichton did it to keep from hurting Gilina.  
  
They moved back and forth between the module and command, reviewing data and examining components of the module for phase variances. Other members of the crew popped in occasionally, but mostly left them to do their work. John and Gilina proved themselves to be a fantastic team. They actually found it fun, working together as scientists who had a mutual respect for each others' abilities.  
  
After the fourth day of work, Crichton sat down on a bench in command exhausted from the hectic pace they had set. Gilina walked up behind him, able to discern how tired John was from his tight shoulders and worn countenance. Without giving it much thought, Gilina walked over and began to massage John's shoulders. She rested her chin on his head.  
  
"Your tired, huh?" she asked, absentmindedly.  
  
"Hmm," replied John, enjoying the back rub. They stayed that way for several seconds, before Gilina stopped her ministrations and abruptly backed off. John turned slowly to face her, and found her with an expression of mixed emotions on her face.  
  
"I'm...sorry," she said.  
  
"Its alright," John replied quickly. "We were both caught up in the moment. I know...this is difficult for you. It is for me, too. I mean, being with you is a reminder of what happened...."  
  
John caught himself before he could get the next words out. He was about to let it slip that the Gilina he had known was killed. Crichton did not want to confuse poor Gilina any further, and followed Zhaan's advice about watching his words.  
  
"I know its confusing for you as well," said Gilina. John didn't know whether she was suspicious about what John almost said or not. Either way, she didn't comment on it. She quickly changed the subject.  
  
"Um, we should add in the latest figures we got from the module's systems before we break for the night," said Gilina. She walked over to the console that John was sitting at, and worked some of the controls.  
  
John joined her in examining the latest calculations. A few minutes later, Gilina looked down at Crichton's leg, and noticed the holstered pulse pistol attached to it.  
  
"You retrieved a pistol from the armory," commented Gilina. "Why?"  
  
"I kind of felt...naked, without it," said John. "It's the same one I brought with me from my Moya."  
  
"You were able to pick it out of an armory full of pistols?" asked Gilina with a startled expression.  
  
John smiled. "I'd know Wynona's looks anywhere," he said with a drawl.  
  
"You named your gun," said Gilina. "I...I can't believe that. The John I know is familiar with the use of pulse weapons, but....not enough to know a single pistol from a group. He also doesn't carry one all the time like you do."  
  
"Well, let's just say a few cycles of critters, Scarrens, Nebari, Tavleks, Sheyangs, and Scorpius will cause ya to get pretty friendly with a pulse pistol," said John. "I guess my counterpart has been luckier in that regard."  
  
"I've noticed a...difference in you from my John," said Gilina. "My John is a scientist, a tech. You have those qualities, but....they are tempered by a warrior's nerve. Its startling to think how the same person could turn out so differently."  
  
"Things happened, that's all I can say," said John, being choosy with his words.  
  
A long silence followed, as John continued to look at the calculations. Gilina stared at him, working up the nerve to say what was on her mind.  
  
"John," said Gilina, "why...why didn't you and I get together, in your universe?"  
  
This made John stop working on his controls. He didn't look at her, trying to search for words to reply to the question. Finally, he came up with an answer that sounded final enough, but with just enough ambiguity to not clue Gilina in on her other self's fate.  
  
"Things...circumstances, prevented it," said John. "I didn't ask you to come with us when we met on the Zelbinion, because...I didn't want to see you live as a fugitive. I don't know what caused my counterpart to make a different decision."  
  
"Yes, but when we met later, on that Gammack Base you mentioned," said Gilina. "All you said was that we never saw each other again. I can't believe I let you go without me a second time. Unless, my other self didn't love you. But then, why would she have helped you? John, none of it makes sense."  
  
"Look, Gilina, all I can say is that circumstances prevented us from getting together," said John with frustration brought from dancing around the truth under fire from persistent questioning and from exhaustion. "Can't we just drop it!"  
  
"No!" said Gilina. "There is something you aren't telling me! I want to know what it is!"  
  
"Gilina, why does it matter?!" asked John. "I mean, if we can get this wormhole thing workin for us, you get your John back, I go home, end of story. Right?"  
  
"But what if we can't send you back, or get my John back?!" asked Gilina with a yell and forming tears. "Let's face it, this is going to be a long shot! If we can't do it, I have to find some way to either live with YOU, or...without you! I have to know why you and the other me didn't fall in love, get married, have a child! I have to know that!"  
  
"Gilina, I...!" began John. He didn't know what to say. Instead, he just ran out of the room, leaving Gilina standing there crying and confused.  
  
****************************************  
Crichton ended up in the section of Moya where crew quarters were located. He ran down the hallway, moving for the solitude of his room as quickly as he could. John didn't know if he could face anyone right now. He was confused, and needed some time to think.  
  
As he ran through crew quarters, John came around a corner and nearly ran over Aeryn. "Crichton!" said Aeryn with a startled tone. "What's the matter? Is there a problem?"  
  
John looked at Aeryn with an expression of complete and utter loss. There she was, so beautiful and so close, yet so far. Because this was not the Aeryn that was his lover. This was another Aeryn, in another universe than his own.  
  
"Um, no," replied Crichton. "Nothing. Well, nothing you can help with."  
  
John walked past Aeryn and planned on continuing to his quarters. He turned and looked back at Aeryn, who entered her own quarters. Something made him stop, and walk back towards Aeryn's room. He ended up at her door, and he announced his presence.  
  
"Aeryn," said Crichton. "Can I come in. I need to...talk."  
  
Aeryn looked at him with a confused expression. "Alright," she said. "Come in."  
  
John came into the room and had a seat on a chair. Aeryn sat on her bed and stared at him, waiting for him to start the conversation.  
  
Not knowing where to begin, John made a comment to break the silence. "Are you expecting company? Because I don't want to intrude, like I did the other night."  
  
"You mean am I expecting D'Argo," commented Aeryn with a slight grin. "No, not tonight. We don't sleep together every night. We just recreate when we feel like it. Why do you ask?"  
  
"No reason," said John, quickly changing the subject.  
  
"Well, what DID you want to talk about?" asked Aeryn.  
  
"I had a fight...with Gilina," he said. Aeryn looked at him with a blank expression. John could tell that she was masking some emotions, but what he couldn't fathom. "I'm sorry to be bothering you with this, but I just need to talk to YOU. For reasons, I can't really explain, at least in a way you would understand."  
  
"That's alright," she said. "I'm surprised the two of you have been able to work together like you have been these past few days, without letting the situation get in the way. She is a very...emotional person. And she loves John very deeply. HER John."  
  
"I know," said John. "Its just...she broached the subject of why I didn't get together with her counterpart in my universe. I just...can't tell her why. It would only confuse her more."  
  
"Can you tell me?" asked Aeryn. "I'll keep it in confidence."  
  
"No," said John. "At least, I want to avoid doing that. It would only...complicate things between us."  
  
"I'm not sure I understand," said Aeryn, "but I will respect your wishes in this matter. So, tell me, why did she want to know about it so badly?"  
  
"Because she is afraid we won't be able to open another trans-dimensional wormhole," said John. "She is afraid that if she can't get her John back, then she will be stuck with a John who doesn't love her. Me."  
  
"Do you love her?" asked Aeryn.  
  
"I care for her, Aeryn," said John. "But...no, I don't love her. But, she is thinking that if her John doesn't come back, maybe she can love me."  
  
"But she doesn't know where you stand, because you won't tell her why you didn't fall in love with the other her," said Aeryn. "And she doesn't even know if...she would want to fall in love with you, for fear of betraying...Her John. Confusing situation all the way around."  
  
"So what should I do?" asked John.  
  
"You are asking me?" commented Aeryn with a startled expression. "John, I am hardly an expert on...relationships and love."  
  
"But you have been in relationships, since coming aboard Moya," said John.  
  
"Yes, well, purely...sexual ones," said Aeryn. "About that. Rygel told me you were curious about my relationships with other men. I know that you know about myself and D'Argo, and that Rygel told you about my...encounter on the Royal Planet. Why did you want to know about that? Of all the things about me, why that?"  
  
"I...I was just trying to get my bearings," said John, "that's all. By the way, while we're on the subject, who was the third guy? Rygel didn't know and Zhaan wouldn't tell me."  
  
Aeryn's expression became blank once again. "I don't want to talk about it," she said. "But you're changing the subject. I asked you a question, and you didn't answer it with the whole truth. I can tell...somehow. You're holding something back. Why are you so curious about my relationships with men?"  
  
"Well, Aeryn, you didn't answer my question," commented John. "Why should I answer yours? Tell you what, you tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine. Deal?"  
  
She didn't reply, and only stared at him with that blank, emotionless Peacekeeper gaze. "Never mind," she said flatly. "Look, its obvious you are accomplishing nothing by talking to me about your problems with Gilina. Why don't you talk to someone else about it?"  
  
John stared at her for a long moment, looking for some clue as to what she was feeling. He knew Aeryn Sun so well, and even though this was not HIS Aeryn, she was still Aeryn. He could tell she was confused, and was definitely on edge about something. But what, he couldn't tell. Finally, he gave up, and left the room without further comment from either of them.  
  
**  
Later that night, Crichton layed on the bed in his quarters trying to figure out what to do about Gilina. He weighed the consequences of telling her about her counterpart's death and not telling her in his mind. Both situations did not bode well for his ability to work with Gilina on finding a way to open up another trans-dimensional wormhole.  
  
After an arn of laying there, John heard a knock at his door. He looked up and saw Gilina standing there outside. Crichton jumped up from bed, and opened the door.  
  
"Gilina," he said. "How...how are you?"  
  
"An emotional wreck," she said. "But...I have been...thinking. I...was wrong to pressure you about telling me why you and I...or, the other me, didn't get together. I have know idea what happened, and...perhaps, it was a source of pain for you. I mean...I was wrong to expect anything from you in terms of explanation or, especially, a relationship if things didn't work out. For all I know, someone could be waiting for you on the other side of that wormhole. Someone you love."  
  
John looked at this sweet, gentle woman. "Funny how she is able to infer so much," said John. "I always knew this girl was smart."  
  
"Its alright," said John. "Look, you are gonna have to trust me about things I don't tell you. In the meantime, we need to work together to send me home, and bring your John back. Its our only shot. If we don't work together..."  
  
"Then there is no chance of success, I know," said Gilina. "I'm just going to have to put the mission before my personal feelings. That's one thing I did learn as a Peacekeeper I can put to good use."  
  
"Alright," said John. "We'll begin again in the morning."  
  
"Actually," said Gilina, "we will be arriving at a commerce planet tomorrow. Pilot told me. Perhaps we should take a break, and go with the others down to the planet. Get a "change of scenery" as John...as YOU would say."  
  
"Sounds like a plan," said John. "See you in the morning, then."  
  
"Good night, John," she said. Gilina then turned, and walked away towards her quarters.   
  
John watched her leave, and contemplated how different his life had been, or the life of his counterpart had been. Just because he had taken Gilina with him that day they left the Zelbinion. It made him wonder how different his life in his universe would have been if he had made that same decision. But, he quickly found that thought to be distateful, because it meant not having Aeryn. HIS Aeryn.   
  
The most confusing thing to him was his mixed feelings for this Gilina and this Aeryn. He cares for both of them, and can't help but love Aeryn, even though she is not the same Aeryn as the one he knows. He can't help but feel pity for the first, and jealously over the latter being with other men. These feelings came into conflict within him, and would continue to plague him in the days ahead.  
  
*************************************  
The next day, Moya's crew was on the commerce planet shopping for needed supplies. All except for Zhaan, who stayed on Moya to meditate and watch over baby Leslie.   
  
It felt good for Crichton to get some fresh air for a while, although the air on the planet wasn't exactly sweet smelling. There were large industrial factories on the planet that spewed out contaminants into the atmosphere. John found it funny that many planets more advanced than Earth still had problems with pollution.  
  
In the meantime, since coming to the planet, the rest of the crew really could notice a difference in this John Crichton from the one they know. They all took notice of the fact that he took an extra pulse pistol with him to the planet. Each could see that this John was much more paranoid about their surroundings.  
  
Aeryn and D'Argo were a little ways behind Crichton, and the latter mentioned something about Crichton's demeanor to Aeryn. "Have you noticed the same differences that I have?" he asked.  
  
"Hmm," she said. "This Crichton carries himself more like a warrior. He looks almost like a Peacekeeper. The locals notice it, too. They shy away from him. The John we know would be more focused on bartering or exploring or talking with the rest of us. This one keeps his eyes on his surroundings, keeps a hand near his pulse pistol, moves with a purpose."  
  
"You noticed more than I did," said D'Argo. "But he is definitely different. I would love to know why."  
  
Up ahead, Crichton watched the aliens around him, and kept an eye out for trouble. Gilina walked next to him, but did not speak to him. Despite the conversation they had last night, and despite their agreement to put their problems aside, she seemed more nervous around him since they came down to the planet. Gilina, like Aeryn and D'Argo, could sense that this John had more of the qualities of a warrior, and it made her nervous.  
  
Rygel came up to them on his throne sled. D'Argo spoke to him. "Did you get the food supplies?"  
  
"Yes," replied Rygel, "but the price for the food was outrageous. Why, in the Hynerian Empire, food such as what we bought would not go for such a high price. It will be delivered to the pod within the arn."  
  
Movement in the corner of his field of vision caught John's eye. His hand went instinctively for his pulse pistol, as his mind sensed danger. Aeryn saw his increased tension and raised her pulse rifle.  
  
"Crichton, what is it?" she asked.  
  
D'Argo drew his qualta blade, joining John and Aeryn in their preparedness. John spoke. "I think I saw..." He turned quickly to his left, and saw a Peacekeeper come out of cover and raise his rifle.  
  
Crichton aimed quickly and fired, bringing down the Peacekeeper with a clean shot to his chest. Startled, the others didn't react for the first second or two. Finally, their survival instincts kicked in, and they followed Crichton's suit in taking cover.  
  
Four more Peacekeepers began to open fire from concealed positions. Crichton, Aeryn, and D'Argo returned the fire from cover. Rygel hid and kept his head down. Gilina, on the other hand, watched the scene play out from behind a concession stand.  
  
Crichton coordinated his fire with the others, taking aimed shots in the direction of the enemy. Another Peacekeeper fell, this time brought down by a shot from D'Argo. When another Peacekeeper shifted positions, Aeryn shot her, reducing the enemy's total down to two. The remaining Peacekeepers began to withdraw, but Crichton moved to prevent it.   
  
As Gilina watched, John Crichton fired at the retreating Peacekeepers with his pistols, shooting another one but missing the last. Aeryn brought the final enemy down with a shot from her pulse rifle. Gilina could not believe what she just saw. Not only did John Crichton just effectively engage in an firefight with Peacekeeper commandos, but he also continued attacking them as they retreated. It finally came home to her that this John Crichton was certainly not the same as the one she knows and loves.  
  
Crichton turned, and walked towards Aeryn and D'Argo. The latter had taken a hit to his arm. "How we doing?" he asked.  
  
"My wound is superficial," said D'Argo.  
  
"We should all go before other Peacekeepers show up," said Aeryn.  
  
"That was a Marauder detail, Aeryn," said Crichton, showing a remarkable familiarity with Peacekeeper uniforms and duties. "There was only five of them."  
  
"There may still be others," she countered.  
  
"Agreed," said John, "its time to beat it off of this rock."  
  
**  
Later that evening, Crichton was cleaning his pulse pistol while sitting in his quarters. After they had gotten back to the ship, Zhaan took D'Argo to the infirmary, while Rygel and Aeryn inventoried the supplies they had acquired before their trip to the planet was cut short. They only managed to pick up the food Rygel had bought before leaving the planet.  
  
Gilina quickly left after Zhaan handed her the baby. She didn't say a word to John since the time they left the planet. Crichton sensed from her, and from the others to some extent, that they were shocked by how well he could handle himself in a fight.  
  
As John sat at the table cleaning Wynona, he heard a knock at his door. John turned and saw Aeryn standing their with a smile on her face. "Hey," said John.  
  
"Hey," she replied. "I wanted to tell you that D'Argo is going to be fine. Zhaan has effectively treated his injury."  
  
"That's good," said John, still working on his pistol.  
  
Aeryn watched him for a few moments, still smiling. "I am very...pleased, with how you handled yourself down there," she said. "You are much more of a warrior than our John is."  
  
"I learned from the best," said John, rising from the table after finishing with the pistol. "I learned from you, or, well, the other you."  
  
Aeryn walked closer to him. "You know, I taught the other Crichton how to defend himself as well, but even with the training I have given him...the other John would not have handled himself in a battle like you did. He would have only managed to effectively defend himself. But you...you engaged and did much to defeat a squad of Marauder commandos. What did my counterpart do to more effectively train you?"  
  
"Um, I guess I was more...motivated," said Crichton. "Crais is nothing in terms of an enemy when compared to Scorpius."  
  
"I see," said Aeryn. "Well, I guess I should let you get some rest. You probably want to get back to working on that wormhole problem tomorrow."  
  
As Aeryn turned to leave, John noticed a scratch on the left side of Aeryn's left arm. "Wait, Aeryn," he said, moving to gently take her arm in his hand. "You're hurt. Has Zhaan taken a look at that?"  
  
"Its fine, Crichton," she said. "Its just a scratch."  
  
"Still, you should get it taken care of," said John.  
  
The two of them did not speak after that. They simply looked at each other with strange expressions. John began to rub Aeryn's arm with his thumb, not releasing her from his gentle grip. She responded by turning to completely face John, and they both looked at each other in the eyes.  
  
In that moment, John forgot that this Aeryn was not HIS Aeryn. He only saw the same beautiful eyes that the woman he loves has, the same face, the same skin, the same hair. The time away from Aeryn had been torture to him, and he could not stop himself from moving his lips closer to those of this Aeryn.  
  
Surprisingly, she did not back away. Instead, she stood there, frozen, allowing John to move his lips into contact with hers. As soon as their lips met, they embraced each other and began to passionately kiss. They continued to do so for a few fleeting moments, before Aeryn came to her senses.  
  
Aeryn shoved him away, and looked at him with an expression mixed with fear and anger. Without saying a word, she turned and ran out of John's room.  
  
"Aeryn!" he called to her retreating form. But she did not stop her fleeing retreat, and John was left standing in the middle of his quarters. "Frell," he said to himself.  
  
********************************************  
The next morning, John Crichton came out of his quarters after a very restless night. He spent the whole night thinking about Aeryn...both Aeryns, actually. He thought about the kiss he had shared with the Aeryn in this reality, and how readily she had accepted the kiss. Was it possible she was attracted to him in this reality as well? Then, the sudden rejection, and the look on Aeryn's face before she left. John had never seen her look so confused.  
  
If confusion over this Aeryn's reaction wasn't enough, John was worried about how this related to HIS Aeryn, hopefully waiting for him in the other reality. Was what he did in kissing this Aeryn cheating on HIS Aeryn? All of this made for a restless night, and gave Crichton a headache the next morning.  
  
Another reminder of confusing situations came up when John met Gilina in the hallway on the way to the mess hall. "Good morning," said John quietly.  
  
"Good morning," she replied with the same note of reserve. "Um, John, I was thinking...I've been away from Leslie quite a bit, between helping you with the wormhole research and our trip to the planet yesterday. I was thinking we should take another day off from the research, so I can spend some time with Leslie."  
  
"I think I need some time to think, too," said John, looking at Gilina with a knowing smile.  
  
She smiled back at him. "Thanks, John, for understanding," she said.  
  
"Sure," he replied.  
  
When they got to the mess hall, they found everyone there eating but Aeryn. Crichton asked about her, and Rygel said she had gotten up early and had already eaten and left. John had a suspicion that she was avoiding him, which was okay with him because he was not ready to talk, either.  
  
Crichton spent most of the day listening to the others tell stories about the other Crichton's life on Moya, and the adventures they had experienced. Some were just as dangerous as the ones he had faced. But all in all, Crais' pursuit came no where near the relentlessness with which Scorpius had pursued John in the other universe. This made their life on Moya slightly less hectic. Yet, John had to admit, they still had some interesting adventures.  
  
Later that day, Crichton stood alone in command, trying to focus on the wormhole problem. He was going over some data with Pilot when Aeryn stormed into the room.  
  
"Pilot," she said into the clamshell viewer, "seal the command deck. No DRD's, no listening in. We need COMPLETE privacy. Understood?"  
  
"Understood," replied Pilot, his image disappearing from the clamshell as the door to the command deck closed.  
  
John stood in shock as Aeryn approached him with an air of determination and a take no prisoners demeanor. "Crichton, I want some answers from you," she said. "And don't give me any dren about not wanting to complicate things with knowledge about the other me in your universe. I think things are already complicated. I want you to un-complicate things for me NOW by answering some questions!"  
  
"Sure, you want fries with that?" asked Crichton, trying to mask his nervousness with sarcasm.  
  
"Crichton...John," she began, ignoring the comment. "Just what kind of relationship do you and I have in your universe? Don't give me any dren, just give me a direct answer to the question."  
  
Crichton was silent for a moment, contemplating a reply. "She's right," he thought. "Things are already complicated. Might as well go all the way with it."  
  
"Okay," said John. "I'll tell you. Aeryn, you and I...or, the other you and I are...lovers."  
  
A look came over Aeryn's face that gave John a chill up his spine. It was a mixture of sadness, anger, rejection, loneliness, and regret, all rolled up into one. Aeryn seemed to stumble as she walked over to a nearby chair and sat down. Neither of them spoke for several moments, before Aeryn broke the silence.  
  
"Lovers," she whispered. "Lovers. You and I...she and you...lovers. This...I..."  
  
"You see why I didn't want to tell you," said John. "And why I kissed you...last night."  
  
"You were kissing her," said Aeryn. "That also explains why you were curious about my personal life, my sexual encounters with other men."  
  
"Yeah," said John. "I guess you could say I was jealous. I'm sorry, I know I don't have a right to be jealous..."  
  
"You most certainly DON'T!" said Aeryn with sudden anger. She rose from her chair, and started to leave. As she walked towards the door, she added: "And neither would HE!"  
  
"Whoa!" said John. "STOP! Right there!"  
  
Aeryn froze, realizing what she had just said. She turned and faced John with that same mixed expression. "What did you mean by that?" asked John.  
  
She didn't answer. Instead, Aeryn stood there and stared at him with that strange expression. John didn't know what to do, but press forward with his curiosity aroused. "Tell me, Aeryn," he said. "Who wouldn't have the right to be jealous?"  
  
"You," she said quietly. "The other John. Do you...remember the other man I had been with...intimately? The one I wouldn't identify. The other man was...John Crichton."  
  
"Me," said John in shock. "The other...me. You and he were...together, intimately."  
  
"Yes," she said. "And with him, it was more than just sex. I...loved...no, love...him."  
  
This time, John fell into a chair, and ran his hand through his hair. "Holy Mother," he said. "But...but what about...Gilina? How?"  
  
"About a cycle after Gilina came on board," said Aeryn. "John and she had grown...apart. You...the other you, said that the steam was being lost, or something like that. They argued frequently, and fell back on sex to settle the arguments. In the meantime, John and I got...close. We began to meet in secret to talk, but eventually...talking led to sex...between us. And eventually, that sex became...love making. We lost ourselves in each other, and fell in love. I had been with a man on the Royal Planet, and it made him jealous. I had done it trying to deny my love for John. But, all it did was push John to admit he loved me, and I in turn admitted that the feeling was...mutual. He...remained with Gilina, continued to be with her, but would secretly come to me. John decided he was going to leave Gilina, and be with me. But...Gilina announced she was pregnant, with his child. In that moment, my dreams of being with John were...shattered. John decided to stay with Gilina...for the baby's sake. He married her, and swore me to secrecy about our relationship. I knew that I couldn't compete with Gilina, now that she had a child of his."  
  
"Aeryn, I...I don't know what to say," said John. "You've been through a lot."  
  
"That's not all of it," said Aeryn. "This last part, the other John doesn't know about. And if you ever meet him, you will not tell him. Nor will you tell anyone else. After Gilina and John were married, I went to Zhaan after I began to feel...ill. That's when I found out that I was pregnant. With John's child."  
  
John's face turned to an expression of complete dismay. "Oh my God," he said. "You didn't?"  
  
"I aborted the pregnancy, with Zhaan's help," said Aeryn. "I didn't know what else to do. You were with Gilina, and I didn't want to complicate things any more than they were. I am a soldier, I can't be a Mother to a child, not...alone. But...I have always wondered, what might have happened if I had...kept the child. What would John have done?" She looked pointedly at Crichton. "What would you have done, John?"  
  
"Aeryn, I...I don't know, how to answer that," said John. "I don't know the other John, even though he is ME. I mean, if it would have been me, I would have been with you in the first place. My only suspicion is that he felt sorry for Gilina because he asked her to come with him, to give up her life for the life of a fugitive. Then, the child...he probably did it most of all for the child. But...I just don't know how deeply the other me loved you, or does love you. I just can't answer that for sure."  
  
"I understand," said Aeryn. She walked over and touched John's cheek with the palm of her hand. "The other me...got lucky, I suppose. She got you, and I didn't."  
  
"I'm sorry," said John. After several moments of silence, John finally asked another question. "So, how did you and D'Argo get together?"  
  
"I began recreating with D'Argo to forget about John," said Aeryn. "He recreates with me for the pure enjoyment, I suppose. You know how it is, the life of a fugitive. You get pleasure from wherever you can. He doesn't know about John and I. No one knows but Zhaan. I confided in her because I needed her help to abort the pregnancy. I also swore her to secrecy, which I now do with you."  
  
John nodded. "I'll keep your secret, baby," he said.  
  
Aeryn took in her breath, and a tear fell from her eye. "That's...that's what he used to call me, when we were...together."  
  
John bent over and kissed Aeryn on the cheek. They stood there looking at each other for some time, before Aeryn turned and left the command deck in silence. Before leaving, she turned and faced Crichton.  
  
"John," she said, "I hope you get back to her...to the other me. I know what loosing you would mean to her, how much it would hurt. I know it...first hand."  
  
She then turned, and left the room, leaving John to stand there with the knowledge of her pain and the knowledge that the other John Crichton had been the cause of it.  
  
*************************************  
The next couple of weekens were a whirlwind of activity for Crichton. He and Gilina began to work together again to find a solution to the wormhole problem. John made this his mission, deciding to avoid further contact with the rest of the crew as much as possible.   
  
John did this because it was the only way to resist the temptation to meddle in things here. He wanted to fix so many things that he felt were wrong. Crichton wanted to help Gilina see that John only stayed with her for the baby. He wanted to convince Aeryn to try and get the other John to be truthful with Gilina and go back to Aeryn. John wanted to talk to D'Argo about how he should give up his sexual relationship with Aeryn to allow her to go on with her life.  
  
All of these things, John Crichton desperately wanted to do. However, he came to the conclusion it would be wrong to do so. He thought about how he would feel if the other John was meddling in his life, changing things on his Moya to fit his view of right and wrong. John felt that he had no right to alter the decisions made by the Crichton who belonged here, or those who made decisions in reactions to his influence. So, he buried himself in the work to avoid the temptation to act on his feelings.  
  
After the third weeken of working, with only three days before the solar flare activity would return in the Rekalen system, Crichton and Gilina made a breakthrough. "That has to be it," said John, looking at the calculations they had made. "Here, try it on the holo simulation."  
  
"Right," said Gilina. She moved to a holo display and inputted some commands. A mock up of a wormhole appeared on the screen, and a series of numbers came over the display. "That's it!" she yelled. "We can do it!"  
  
The two working partners hugged each other with delight over their breakthrough. John kissed Gilina on the cheek in a friendly gesture, and yelled. "We did it, partner! We ROCK!"  
  
"That's good, right?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah," said John. "You bet your ass it is!"  
  
"But John," said Gilina, "we still have one problem. We know we can open the same kind of wormhole that brought you here, and we can aim it for your universe by using a reverse trajectory. But, we don't know if it will work without my John in your universe doing the same thing at the same time."  
  
"I know," said John. "That's the only sticking point. We can only hope for one of two things. One, that this working doesn't depend on simultaneous action in both universes. Or two, that the other John has been working on this like we have, and has come to the same conclusions."  
  
"Could he do it alone?" asked Gilina. "I mean, I don't want to sound self-righteous, but you did this with help from me. He doesn't have me to help him."  
  
"Well, he could get help from Jool," said John. "She is a scientist, although not as knowledgeable on wormhole theory."  
  
"Jool, you mean the one you told me about with the shedding hair and the metal melting scream?" asked Gilina with disbelief.  
  
"Yeah, well, she kind of grows on ya," said John. "Okay. Let's work on getting the module ready."  
  
**  
The night before he was to conduct the wormhole experiment, John Crichton laid on his bed and tried to get some sleep. But he continually found himself running calculations through his head, weighing different factors, doing anything but relaxing to go to sleep.   
  
Finally, he gave up and got dressed. He decided to go to command to have another chat with Pilot about the solar flare conditions predicted for tomorrow. As he walked to command, John passed by Gilina's quarters. He thought about some time he spent there a few arns ago.   
  
John had decided to spend some time with Leslie, the baby Gilina and the other John had conceived together. It felt strange, holding a baby he had never known, but at the same time was instantly recognizable as his child. When John handed the baby back to Gilina, he left the room with a sense of loss. There was definitely one thing he did envy in his other self-the other John had a child and he didn't. But, that could always change someday, depending on how his Aeryn felt about it.  
  
He thought again about his Aeryn, waiting for him back on his Moya. John missed sleeping beside her, feeling her warm body up against his, reveling in her caresses and kisses. But, he could only console himself that he would see his love again tomorrow. That is, if all went well.  
  
John came into command, and found Aeryn standing at one of the consoles. It startled him for a moment, thinking about his Aeryn and finding the Aeryn from this Moya standing there. But, he had to remind himself of the major differences in the relationship. He wanted to avoid bothering Aeryn, so John moved to leave. But Aeryn spoke to him without turning around.  
  
"You don't have to go, John," said Aeryn. She turned around and faced him with a slight smile. "I know you have been avoiding me, and I understand why. But, you are leaving tomorrow. I'm sure it won't hurt for us to be in the same room before then."  
  
John smiled. "I'm sorry if I have been distant," he said. "I wanted to give you some distance. If I hadn't, I would have interfered in things. I can't do that, it wouldn't be right."  
  
"I know," she said. "This isn't your life, it's his. You shouldn't interfere in it. But, can I ask you one thing?"  
  
"Okay," said John, hesitantly.  
  
"I still don't understand...why you chose me...the other Aeryn, over Gilina," she said. "What did she do that I didn't?"  
  
"Aeryn, its not a matter of what she did, or what you didn't do," said John. "It just came down to...I don't know. I guess it was the fact I didn't ask Gilina to come with us when we left the Zelbinion. I did it because...I cared for her, too much, to see her become a fugitive. I don't know why my other self saw it differently. After that, you...the other you, and I became...close. We had been through a lot together, had faced things as a team. You taught me a lot about survival, and I taught you about...being your own person. Although, you had to find that person for yourself. Eventually, things happened that led us to become...intimate, for one night, during a crisis that would take too long to explain. It was just a one night stand, but the memory lingered. Then, Aeryn got stabbed by a Peacekeeper. Your perapheral nerve was damaged. Which is why I infiltrated that Gammack Base, to get a transplant for you. Which is where I met Scorpius, and which is where my life got pretty dark."  
  
"Which is also where you met Gilina again," said Aeryn. "Why didn't you ask her to come with you that time?"  
  
"Because by that time I was falling in love with Aeryn," said John. "I told her she could come with us, but...she had figured out through observation that I loved Aeryn. She even asked me if I wanted to be with her. I couldn't answer her." He was silent, still holding on to the secret about Gilina. Aeryn could tell he was holding back, and decided to press him.  
  
"John, tell me all of it," she said. "What happened?"  
  
"Gilina was killed, helping me to escape from Scorpius," said John, a tear falling from his eye. "She died on Moya from wounds she received from being shot by Scorpius. Before she died, she asked...if things had been different, if I could have loved her...instead of Aeryn. I said yes. At the time, I wasn't sure if I said it because I believed it or because I wanted to console her. But now...after this, I can see that I could have...loved her, I suppose. If things had been different."  
  
"So you chose the other me because Gilina died," said Aeryn flatly.  
  
"No, oh no, baby," said John. "I chose Aeryn because I had fallen in love with her. That began to happen long before I saw Gilina on the Gammack Base. After that, we danced around each other for a couple more cycles. Other things happened to keep us apart...strange things, that would take me too long to explain. But, sufficed to say, my life became one filled with darkness. And my brightest light, my center, was Aeryn. Eventually, we stopped dancing around each other, and went with our feelings. We ended up in each other's arms, and haven't looked back."  
  
Silence followed, as Aeryn took in all that John had told her. Finally, she smiled, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, for telling me," she said. "It makes me feel better, to know...that it wasn't me, anything I did to keep John from me."  
  
"Aeryn, I know I said I wasn't going to interfere, but I did want to tell you something," said John. "Aeryn, you have the ability to be anything you want. You have a good heart and a good soul. Use those qualities, and...build a life for yourself. If that life includes my other self or not, YOU can still be more."  
  
With that, John turned and left the command deck, not looking back at Aeryn. If he had, John would have seen a smile on her face.  
  
******************************  
The next day, Crichton was prepping his module for departure. As he did, the crew of the Moya he had lived on for a monen gathered in the maintenance bay. Crichton saw them come in, and quickly stepped down from the module. He looked over the group of people, his friends in one way, but people he had never known before arriving here in others. He had lived for a monen on a Moya that was not the Moya he had known, but shared many of the characteristics. Now, he found it hard to say goodbye.  
  
"Well," said John, "it's almost time. And I guess it's time to say goodbye."  
  
D'Argo stepped forward and shook John's hand. "I hope it works out," he said.  
  
"So do I, big guy," replied John.   
  
Rygel then spoke up and said. "Tell my counterpart on your Moya that I bet I will retake my throne before he reclaims his," the little Hynerian yelled.  
  
"Will do, Sparky," said John.  
  
The next goodbye was going to be a hard one. Zhaan stepped forward and gave John a hug. He returned the gesture, and embraced the Delvian priestess for several moments. A tear fell from his eye as he did, because he knew that the Zhaan he had known would not be waiting for him on the other side of that wormhole.  
  
"Zhaan," said John, "I want to tell you that....you are such a special person. I will miss you, so much."  
  
Zhaan smiled. "It pleases me to know that you remember me with such admiration, John. May the goddess be with you always."  
  
Aeryn was the next one to step forward. "John, I know we sort of said our goodbyes last night in command," she said. "But, I just wanted to say...thank you."  
  
John gave her a hug. "I only wish I could have done more," he said.  
  
They broke their embrace, and kept their comments to each other to those few words in mixed company. Finally, Gilina stepped forward, with the baby in her arms.  
  
"Remember to use your lateral thrusters during entry," said Gilina. "It will ensure proper trajectory."  
  
"I will," said John. He looked down at the baby. "Hey, little darling. You be good for your Momma." John kissed the baby on her forehead, then kissed the baby's Mother on her cheek. "Goodbye," said John.  
  
"I hope I see you soon," said Gilina. "Well, the other you."  
  
John nodded, then climbed into his module. He got on his comm, and called Pilot. "Pilot, this is Farscape One. Ready for launch."  
  
"Good luck, Commander," said Pilot.  
  
"See you on the flip side," said John.  
  
The module's engines came to life, and it shot out of Moya's docking bay out into space. Crichton repeated the experiment exactly as he had conducted it before, making sure to follow the plan that he and Gilina had worked out to exactly repeat what had occurred the first time.  
  
As before, a wormhole opened up in space. Crichton steered the module towards it. As he saw a magnetic wave approach from the wormhole, John said to himself. "Here is goes," he said.  
  
A few moments later, John Crichton blacked out after his module spinned into the wormhole.  
  
**  
John Crichton woke up, finding himself laying on a bed. He could hear instruments around him monitoring what was probably his vital signs. John didn't recognize the room off hand, but had a feeling that he was not on Moya. He was about to panic when he heard a familiar voice.  
  
"John," said a woman's voice.  
  
Crichton would know that sweet sound anywhere. It was the voice of Aeryn Sun, the woman he loved. "Aeryn..." he began, as he turned his head to look in the direction of her voice. However, what he was going to say was cut off by what he saw.  
  
Aeryn was standing next to his bed wearing the uniform of a United States Marine Corps officer. She was smiling at him, and her hand was caressing his forehead. "Oh, John, I was so worried about you," she said.  
  
"What the hell?" asked John, sitting up abruptly. "Where am I? What are you doing in that uniform?"  
  
"Take it easy, Commander," said a man in a white lab coat with U.S. Navy insignia. "You are at Bethesda Naval Hospital. You're safe now."  
  
"What the hell is going on here?!" yelled John. "How did I get here?"  
  
"You have always been here," said a voice. Scorpius came up from behind Aeryn. "What do you think?" he asked. "I thought the Marine garb fit, though I think we both would have preferred her in a black teddy."  
  
"AAHHHH!" yelled John, rising up in bed.  
  
"John!" yelled Aeryn's voice.   
  
Crichton found himself laying on a bed in Moya's infirmary, with Aeryn holding him down. Jool was on the other side of the bed, telling him to lay easy. Nearby, D'Argo, Chiana, and Rygel all stood watching the scene unfold.  
  
"Its alright," said Aeryn, "you must have been dreaming."  
  
"Aeryn," said John, "am I...am I back, did I make it..."  
  
"Yes, John," said Aeryn. "You made it. The other you from the alternate universe went back, and you came through almost simultaneously."  
  
"Are you sure?" asked John. "For all I know, this could not be my Moya."  
  
Not knowing how to answer John with words, Aeryn chose to do so with action. She grabbed John, and gave him a long, passionate kiss. Pulling back, she smiled. "Does that answer your questions?" she asked.  
  
John smiled. "Oh God, I missed you," he said.   
  
"I missed you, too," said Aeryn. "And I love you."  
  
"I love you, too," replied John.  
  
***  
"John," said a woman's voice. John Crichton slowly opened his eyes, and found himself on a bed in Moya's infirmary. He looked over and saw the source of the woman's voice.  
  
"Gilina," he said. Then, Crichton smiled. "Thank God, it worked. I'm back."  
  
"Oh, John," said Gilina, "I missed you so much." She then leaned in and kissed him.  
  
Standing in the doorway to the infirmary was Aeryn, watching the scene unfold. The other members of the crew-Zhaan, D'Argo, and Rygel, had chosen to go into the infirmary to greet John on his return from the other universe. But Aeryn chose to watch from the doorway. She thought about what the other John had told her, about how he and the other Aeryn had gotten together. Somehow, this gave Aeryn hope that she would also find happiness someday. Maybe it would be with John, maybe it wouldn't, but she would try to make it the former before giving up.  
  
"After all," she thought, "I never give up without a fight if there is something to fight for. Now, thanks to the other John, I do have hope that there is."  
  
The End 


End file.
